Hey guys, I am an addict and you can call me Kayleigh. My clean date is July 9th, 2018.
I have a sponsor, who has a sponsor, who has a sponsor. I work the twelve step program of Narcotics Anonymous. I have a higher power of my own understanding, and I attend meetings (almost) everyday.
I first came through the doors of Amethyst Recovery Center in January of 2018. But the truth is, I was not ready to get clean. I ended up bouncing around South Florida, treatment center to treatment center. I couldn’t put more than a week of clean time together.
I was using while in treatment and continuously lying about how long I had been clean. Eventually, the internal pain and consequences became great enough that I was ready to change. I started working a program.
Now, early recovery has not been all rainbows and roses. In the short time I have been clean, I have experienced some major tests to my recovery. I’ve dealt with death, friends relapsing, changing sponsors, and I am managing an eating disorder.
On my 60th day of being clean, I would face the most difficult test yet. I came across a large quantity of drugs. I pretty much freaked out. My first thoughts were, “Can I get away with taking them?” and “How can I get away with taking them?”
Once I realized I was having these thoughts, my anxiety kicked in and for the first time, I called my sponsor instead of getting high. And then all I was thinking about was, “That it was my 60 days and I wanted to go to my meeting and pick up my 60 day key tag!”
The craziest thing was that they were my drugs of choice! (DOC)
That has NEVER happened to me in active addiction. It was so freaky and the only solution I had was to call my sponsor. I took my lunch break, and did step work through the whole thing. Then I shared about it in a meeting, and picked up an HONEST 60 day key tag.
That entire situation still makes me nauseous and shaky whenever I think about it. But, what really scared me the most was knowing how close I had come to losing it all over again. I think I’m working a pretty solid program, but with one bad decision I could be out there rippin’ and runnin’ again!
ONE DAY AT A TIME
Honestly, as cliche as it sounds, I just live one day at a time. The only thing I really have is today. Whenever I start worrying about the future or when I try to put time frames on anything, I pick up. So i’m going to work on staying clean today.
I’m going to hit up Amethyst Aftercare this week and see my fellow Alumnus, and the lovely people who run it.
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